Pop Psychology from General Hospital

Right, so I can hear you now. "Oh God, don't tell me her blog post is going to be about GH." You have to listen to me go on and on about GH on a regular basis if you follow me on twitter or facebook. Seriously though. Yesterday, Dom/Dante (I don't know the actor's name off the top of my head) said something to Lulu (Julie Berman) that resonated with me. So much so that I mentioned it to my therapist today. And it was definitely something I needed to hear.

Let me set it up for those of you who don't watch this fabulous show (you really should check it out, ya, I know it's a soap, but it's really well done) I digress. Maxi and Spinelli just had their Non-Wedding and everyone was at Jake's (the local bar) at the reception. Lulu (Luke and Laura's daughter. Surely you know who Luke and Laura are. They are the stuff of legends) was talking to Dante/Dom about how great it was to see how happy Maxie and Spinelli were and how she is Maxie's best friend and is so happy for them, but wonders if it is possible for her. If she will ever find someone for her. This is something that I often wonder for myself. I'm always going back and forth as to whether there is someone out there for me. And usually I wind up thinking, why can't I find what they (generic happy couple) have. Lulu said the same thing to Dominic/Dante. "When is it going to be my turn. When will I have what they have?" And his response to her was something I need to remember.

"You won't ever have what they have. You'll have what you have."

It bears repeating, "you'll have what you have." And that is what we are supposed to have.

I need to remember this. I don't need what they have. I need what I need, what I have.

Rainy Days and Mondays

Well, they don't always get me down. Especially since I don't have to work this particular Monday. Went to the grocery store and planned out some great, simple meals for the week. I'm feeling strong about being on plan. This has to come from within, and I'm finally at a place where it is. The changes within are finally manifesting themselves on the outside. No, I haven't lost weight yet, but I suppose you have to begin with day and pound one, right?

I'm making spaghetti and whole wheat pasta for the kids today. I'll have whole wheat pasta salad that I've made with tuna. Pictures to follow.

In other important news, Shy had her first gymnastics competition yesterday and she won second place in the balance beam. Whoo Hoo!! I was so proud of her. She medaled 9th overall.

Olympics 2020 here we come!

Banned Books Week

Banned Books week began yesterday. I borrowed this from April's site

Banned Books Week Proclamation

WHEREAS, the freedom to read is essential to our democracy, and reading is among our greatest freedoms; and

WHEREAS, privacy is essential to the exercise of that freedom, and the right to privacy is the right to open inquiry without having the subject of one's interest examined or scrutinized by others; and

WHEREAS, the freedom to read is protected by our Constitution; and

WHEREAS some individuals, groups, and public authorities work to remove or limit access to reading materials, to censor content in schools, to label "controversial" views, to distribute lists of "objectionable" books or authors, and to purge libraries of materials reflecting the diversity of society; and

WHEREAS, both governmental intimidation and the fear of censorship cause authors who seek to avoid controversy to practice self-censorship, thus limiting our access to new ideas; and

WHEREAS, every silencing of a heresy, every enforcement of an orthodoxy, diminishes the toughness and resilience of American society and leaves it less able to deal with controversy and difference; and

WHEREAS, Americans still favor free enterprise in ideas and expression, and can be trusted to exercise critical judgment, to recognize propaganda and misinformation, and to make their own decisions about what they read and believe, and to exercise the responsibilities that accompany this freedom; and

WHEREAS, intellectual freedom is essential to the preservation of a free society and a creative culture; and

WHEREAS, conformity limits the range and variety of inquiry and expression on which our democracy and our culture depend; and

WHEREAS, the American Library Association's Banned Books Week: Celebrating the Freedom to Read is observed during the last week of September each year as a reminder to Americans not to take their precious freedom for granted; and

WHEREAS, Banned Books Week celebrates the freedom to choose or the freedom to express one's opinion even if that opinion might be considered unorthodox or unpopular and stresses the importance of ensuring the availability of those unorthodox or unpopular viewpoints to all who wish to read them; now, therefore, be it

RESOLVED, that the Good Books & Good Wine blog celebrates the American Library Association's Banned Books Week, September 26th through October 3rd, and be it further

RESOLVED, that the Good Books & Good Wine blog encourages all libraries and bookstores to acquire and make available materials representative of all the people in our society; and be it further

RESOLVED, that the Good Books & Good Wine blog encourages free people to read freely, now and forever.

I just finished reading this book. It continues the story of Lisbeth Salander and Mikeal Blomkvist that I read in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Both were excellent. However, there were time that I found myself shaking my head in disbelief. Salander felt as if she were all alone against the world, which is actually something Blomkvist says towards the end of the book. I thought this pages before he actually says it and I have to say I found her cynicism a bit much.

I also found the ending not satisfying at all. But perhaps, that is the point. Knowing thought that there is only one more book to come, I sincerely hope that the story gets wrapped up. Although, I can and will as I'm sure others will make up my own ending, ala the Sopranos.

In other unrelated new, I realize that the title of my blog doesn't relate anymore to what I write about. It should, and I feel guilty about it from time to time. Although, I went to buy clothes on yesterday and having had an unsuccessful outing (read nothing fit) I decided that I can't go on treating myself this way. I'm a good person, and I have a good soul. Who doesn't deserve to live the way I've been living. I guess I've finally accepted myself for who I am. I'm not a victim, I'm just me. And I don't want to eat like crap anymore. That's the way I've been eating and not at all what I meant when I titled this blog. So, I'm done with that. Truly.

I rode the bike for 30 min today.

Chore Day Saturday

I'm actually almost done with the chores. I just have left the laundry. We will be returning some things to the library and then church later. Probably have a coffee and B&N afterwards. Yea, I know I don't need anymore books, but I like to go and have coffee and be around the books. THis is better than having and getting more books.

And then tomorrow is the big day!!! Shy has her first gymnastics competition. I can't wait. She's been practicing hard and is definitely ready. Pictures and videos to follow.

And I decided on reading The Graveyard Book. I'm about halfway through and I'm sure to finish it by tonight. It's really cute so far. Odd to say a book about ghosts and graveyards is cute, but well, there it is.

For some reason my bank's website keeps freezing up when I try to log on. Maybe they are trying to tell me something :)

oh yea, and Hurricane football at 3:30pm. Definitely will need to keep an eye on that. Have a great Sat everyone!

10 Book To Read Before You Die

One of the blogs I follow, Bookalicious, posted about listing out the 10 books you must read before you die. Oh, my! I'm imagining that since I own over 400 books that I haven't read yet, that some of those books are there. Probably, but I'm sure that there are a few that aren't. And how in the world can you just pick 10? The majority of the ones that come straight to my mind are many of the classics. All the Jane Austen books that I haven't read. Democracy in America by Alexis DeTocqueville's and the biography of John Adams by David McCullough speak to the political junkie that I am. Those books help paint an important portrait of what our country was founded on. An important thing for me.

There is no way that I can limit the list to just 10.

Tell me your ten. Help fill my list.

Pick the next book I read

I have so many to choose from. So I'm asking you to pick one for me. I'm wrapping up The Girl Who Played With Fire. I'm enjoying it, but it has me annoyed right now. I did that with the 1st book in this series as well. Am I supposed to believe that this chick has been abused sexually and mentally by every man in her life except Blomkvist?? Really?? I can't imagine that the majority of Swedish men are such complete pricks. Maybe it's just the one's that Lisbeth comes across that are douche's. Anyway, I'll reserve final judgement to when I finally finish it. Which should be sometime this weekend. Definitely by Saturday.

My next book is between the following:

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman

Await Your Reply by Dan Chaon

I usually read more than one at a time, but these are library books that are due soon. I just can't decide which one to read first.

Thanks for your help.

Budget Cuts

Hmmm, they can fun drug rehab for prisoners but library programs get cut. As do arts endowments. That just pisses me off.

Football

I tried to stay up to watch my Dolphins last night as the game was tied going into the 4th quarter. I fell asleep of course, and found out this morning that I didn't miss anything. Well, yes, the game was great as it apparently came right down to the wire. But, since my team came out on the losing end I was glad I fell asleep. I had no desire to experience the "heartbreaking loss." Yea, I get enough heart break on my own, no need to add to the pile.

Today's is Tuesday. The day I dread the most. But, I'm leaving work early to take care of something so, it won't be too bad. Unless it is.

I realized the other day that I have over 400 unread books. WTF?? Really? I didn't realize I had that many. And as a friend pointed out, that's a book a day for over a year. Since I know I won't be reading a book a day, I realize I've probably have enough books to last me two years. And I know that there will be some books that I don't own that I want to read coming up. Like the stack of library books that I am looking at. That's it. No more books coming into the house. Unless they are classics that I will want to own. Otherwise, no more.

I've managed to abide by this rule with cookbooks, so I'm sure it won't be a problem with actual books.

I think I've hit a bad patch with this podcast that I listen to again. I've had this happen before, but usually in the past, I managed to glean some kind of truth from it and manage to find it useful. This is the first time that I've listened to more than two in a row and have been quite 'meh' about it. I'll listen to the rest, just because I'm anal that way, but I may fast forward through some of it it if continues this boring.

I'm more than half way through The Girl Who Played With Fire and I really like it. It isn't one of those books that I have to read and that keeps me up, but it's good. It's such a phenomenon that I almost feel guilty saying that. I'll read it and I'm enjoying it. I doubt it'll be a keeper though. Maybe I'll hold onto it until the third comes out next year so that when I give them away I'll give away the set. Oooh, or maybe I'll have some kind of freebee giveaway on here like I see other bloggers do. Let me know what you think about that?

Weight loss?? Proper eating and nutrition?? Am I supposed to discuss these things on here?? Suffice to say, I'm working on it.

***tap, tap, tap****

Is this thing on??????

History repeats itself

Doesn't it??

I'm watching a tribute to Peter, Paul, and Mary since the Mary of that trio passed away this week. For some reason, other than this, I've been bombarded with images of the 70's. I was just a little kid then, being born in '69. And my memories of course, are clouded, but I seem to remember the anti-war movement and the economy being in the shitter (I don't care Bernanke says, we are still there) I look at the people in these 70's clips and wonder if they felt the way we do. They must have, I remember the newscasts. I remember way the world was. I guess the biggest difference is back then it was just the Soviets that we had to be afraid of and now, well, it's not a nation state so much as the ever present "terrorism." The face of which is Osama. How about the asian nations ? Was it like this back then? Are my memories clouded by childhood? Or is it that I'm now an adult and of course it seems worse to me now.

My parents say it's worse now, but that at the time it felt just as bad? I suppose that these are rhetorical questions. Because if any of us had the answers we would be in D.C. and have a chance at the nomination of a Nobel Prize.

And I always go back to, I wonder how different this world would be if the person who won in 2000 was able to actually be the President.

The birthday party yesterday was awesome!! I see that Shy will definitely have to switch gyms when she gets older if she continues the path of gymnastics. One of that gyms girls made the Nationals in Texas this year. The only one in the entire South Florida area. I feel like Kim in Ms Saigon, "I'll give my life for you." Which I would, for this kid. For her to reach her dreams. Happily.

In food and weight loss, I lost 2.2 pounds his week. Yea me. I really didn't do anything except curb the nighttime eating. This is really quite motivating. To quote Rocky, "it's what you do when life smacks you done that matters. Not when or whether you get smacked. Keep moving forward." Ok, maybe that wasn't the exact quote but I think you get the idea.

I'm off to enjoy my Sunday.

Saturday, sleepy Saturday

I fell asleep watching tv last night. Before 11p. Which is odd for me, but I guess I just needed the extra sleep. Unfortunately, my neck wasn't in the best position and now it is a little sore. I'm working it out though.

Today, we have chore morning and then a birthday party from 2p-4p. It's for Shy, but J has a birthday party to go to as well, so I'll drop him off and pick him up later. I'll go to the grocery store after the party and figure out my weekly meals.

I know it sounds boring, but I love being home and doing domestic things. By the end of the day, my house will have the fresh clean smell, the laundry will be done and food will have been prepared. It's slightly rainy so that will be a good time to watch a dvd or read. I think I'll watch Rocky Balboa for my Saturday movie night.

I went to the library yesterday and a lot of my books came in at once. I hate when that happens. But at least, hopefully, I can renew them. I've got The Book Thief, The Graveyard, a couple of books on writing, a book of poems by Elizabeth and Robert Browning, a book of poems by Langston Hughes, and John Adams by David McCullough. I know I'll want to own this book, but I wanted to start reading it. I also really, really, really want the HBO miniseries on DVD. Can someone please mention this to my mother?

It's my Friday Bitchez!!

It's really Thursday, but since I don't have to go to work tomorrow it's my Friday. Yee Haw!! So what excitement do I have planned. hah! not too much, I'll tell you that. I'm going to play a stay at home mom and drop the kiddos off at school. Plan my meals for the week. Grocery shop. Head to a library book sale and then take Anthony to Cheesecake to apply for a job. I hope he gets it. He's been down lately. Then it's time to pick the kiddos up and head home.

I'm not sure what we will wind up doing after I get them from school, but I do know one thing. I am not cooking dinner. I'll have to figure that out later as well. I'll be sure to have to plan something fun with Shy.

The weekend has me taking the kids to birthday parties. Oh, yea, and I plan on exercising sometime this weekend. Soon. Really. I will.

Fantasy Island

That must be the world that the Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke is living. The Recession is over??? Really?? Ya think? Not so much in my world buddy.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful and blessed to have the job I have and I haven't lost my job. But I know so many who have and the rising prices etc still eat up a lot of my income.

Well, I'm glad good ol' Ben thinks the recession is over. Maybe some should yell at him, "you lie".

I play the victim?? Really??

According to Dr K, that's what I think of myself. Oh, it's something that's been perpetuated since childhood and apparently a source of my emotional eating. The ironic part here is that I can not stand, can. not. stand. people who play the victim. It's infuriating to me when people have the "poor me" attitude or lack accountability. Apparently, mine is deep rooted and obviously covered up by my swagger but it's there nonetheless.

So, what am I going to do about it.

Change my attitude. And work on forgiving myself. I know, if I'm honest about it, I do think at times, "I screwed up", "I won't find anyone so why bother", when I'm pretending that I don't care about relationships. I don't, but I see now, that it isn't for the right reasons. My children are the world to me, but that doesn't mean that I need to put myself on the back burner and not care about myself, because there can be a balance. I can take care of myself and take care of them at the same time.

I've also discovered that I have various facets of my personality. Well, don't we all?? And I don't mean Sybil like facets but I definitely don't feel like the victim. I know that there are times when I am a total hard ass. Also times where I'm a total mushpot. Is that a word?? It is now.

Anyway, I realize this is a lot to take in, hah, for you and for me. My homework this week, forgive myself for not doing/being what I imagined I would be. And for the life I don't have, but rather be grateful for the things I do have.

That and move my ass. Oops, I almost called myself a fat ass, none of that now. I have to be kind to myself. And my moving my butt, I'll accomplish that. Going running/walking today after work.

Saturday in the park

If it doesn't rain again, that is.

Saturday morning is for chores though. Lots of boring chores. Then, I'm heading over to the big library sale with the kids. I get great book sales from our library that way. I'm a bookworm, as you may know, so this is a really cheap and easy way to pick up some great book deals. Plus the kids love to go to the library to get books and movies.

I'll take the girl to the park if it isn't raining although, I just remembered that she has an event at her gym tonight at 630p. I'll probably skip the park today then since we have to go to that.

I'll also head to the grocery store and plan out my meals for the week. I've got the tools I need to succeed, I just need to use them. Implement what's in my head into my day to day life. I'm not letting the number on the scale define me. For the first time ever. I'm also tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, literally and figuratively. It's time to make that change. It's not an all or nothing thing with me. I realize that it's going to take time and that like a child who learns how to walk by taking little steps that I too will have to take little steps along this path that is my life. Rather than ask for help in dealing with the cravings and munchies, I don't want to have them at all. Is it mind over matter? At this point, I'm not sure. I just know that I've come to a place where I really want to be healthy. I'm not getting any younger and this body, imperfect as it is has served me well these 40 years. I'd like it to serve me a lot longer.

My children deserve one parent who will be able to keep up with them. That's me. I will be right there by their side. And by doing so, will teach them the way to eat, the way to live and the way to be happy with themselves.

In other related kid news, Shy can read. Really read. She read Green Eggs and Ham all by herself last night. Maybe she'll start a book review blog.

TGIF BITCHEZ doesn't seem right today

Oh, I'm happy it's Friday, but on Sept 11th I have misgivings writing something like that as my status. This is the day 8 years that changed the course of our history. The changes have been subtle, and some not so subtle. I wonder however, what course we would have had if the winner of the 2000 Presidential election had actually been the President in 2001. Since we elected someone and the Supreme Court appointed someone else the world will never know. Reminds me of those old Tootsie Pop commercials with the owl. But that's the reality.

Instead, here we are 8 years later fighting a war that was supposed to be over in 6 weeks. Why? Well, I've recently learned that why is a very negative type question. We should be asking ourselves what do we want instead. And that is...

not what we have. I want to bring our boys home. I want the change that we voted for. I want the majority of Americans to think as I do. Sadly, that is not the case. Those of you who disagree with me probably don't think it's sad at all. Like I've always said, I am sure that we have more commonalities than differences and I would like to focus on that.

Let's hear it for long weekends

Thankfully, I get Monday off. It's Saturday morning and as I drink my coffee I'm trying to decide what chores I should get cracking on. I've got to vacuum and do laundry. That, the laundry, will take me forever. But I've got to leave at 1130a to go to my ex-husband's baby's first birthday party. Yes, you read that right. My ex, the father of my sons, has another child with his wife. They invited us, the boys of course, but Shy as well. I'll go as it's at a water park and Shy will have a blast. I'm fortunate that I get along well with my ex so it makes it easy to do these sorts of things.

I finished that book by Francine Prose (ironic), Reading Like a Writer: a Guide for People Who Love Books and For Those Who Want To Write Them. It brought some new perspectives.

I'm going to finish The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo this today and start another book. I've about a million that I want to read, so I don't know which one is next. I keep going back and forth.

And yes, I'm starting again to eat right. It's not something I start and stop. So, let me rephrase that then. I'm going to make better food choices today than I did yesterday.

And the stupid teenagers messed up Shy's puzzle. Argh. There should be a public home where teens go to live so they don't drive us all crazy. They can be released when they are 21.

Third person Thursday

I declared it Third Person Thursday, for fun. It's been a long week. My parents were here, and while I enjoy their company it throws off our routine. Since school just started, our routine was just getting set. And then it isn't. But they are leaving in the morning. They don't like to stay that long because it does get somewhat hectic and chaotic at my grandparents house. Hell, I don't want to be there half the time when I pick up the kids each day and that's only for 15 min. God bless them all, though, they really only mean well.

TGIF!! almost. Work was really quiet. The boss man was out of the office and the boss lady had a lot of meetings today. I barely spoke to anyone. I was able to read my book, well, one of the books I'm reading, "Reading Like a Writer" by Francine Prose. I've enjoyed reading and the excerpts from different books have added about 100 books to my TBR list. Seriously. She also breaks down the different aspects of writing, mostly fiction. From character development, to narration to gesture and dialogue. If you like to read and fancy writing a story or two, this book is for you. She gets you to understand how the various authors used vocabulary, paragraph placement for example, to move the story along. This is definitely one that I'll be re-reading again. I checked it out of the library but this one is definitely a book that I will be adding to my reference pile.

The other book I'm reading I have every intention of finishing this weekend. It's fabulous!!

Now we get to what the point of this blog is supposed to be about. The way I eat now. It isn't pretty. At all. BUT, the good news is that I'm like frickin Annie. Tomorrow, Tomorrow!!! I'll diet, tomorrow!! LOL! Ok, not really a diet, but eat the right way. Eat the way I should. Or I just won't eat at all. But I'll document it no matter what. That's my deal with you. Even if you don't want to know it all.

Oh yea. And the podcast that I said I was going to stop listening to because I wasn't getting anything out of it. Yea, I am still. I've come to realize that I don't want food to be my joy. It's only in mouth for like, what 10 min at the most? I want food to be my fuel, not my friend. This is huge. I've been using food as my joy and I need to substitute that with some real joy. Whether it's cultivating friendships, my children or just my own mind, it's got nothing to do with food. I'll be listening to the podcast again tomorrow morning, as I ride the bike.

I'm off to read my book and go to bed. As my favorite literary heroine would say, "Tomorrow is another day."